Just more than half of adult Americans, 51%, are married, a record low according to an analysis of US census data by the Pew Research Center. In contrast, in 1960, 72% of adults were married. We are getting close to the tipping point. Soon married adults will be in the minority. Why?
[Of course, there are multiple reasons for being single. Many adults are widowed, divorced, or never married. But for my purposes, I’d like to focus on younger adults and their Baby Boomer parents.]
Acceptance of other lifestyle forms such as cohabitation, single-person households, and single parenthood is growing. While the Greatest Generation frowned on these alternative situations, our generation doesn’t care. We love our kids and accept them as they are.
Blame it on the Baby Boomers.
The young are also waiting longer to get married. What’s the rush? If co-habitation is accepted, why feel any pressure to tie the knot? Most young couples do not plan to have big families, so they feel they can ignore the ticking of the biological clock for a while. The World War II generation found pride in the independence of their offspring. The ever-indulgent parents of Gen-Xers and Millennials support an expanding adolescence, “30 is the new 18,” encouraging the Boomerangs who come back home for help, both economic and emotional. More than 40% of 21 to 26 year olds live with their parents according to an AARP survey, and they are in no hurry to leave.
Blame it on the Baby Boomers.
In his column titled “America in the post-family era”, David Brooks of The New York Times, blames the “age of possibility” for the trends of fewer marriages and fewer children. He believes that young people want to keep personal options open. We have all heard of the commitment phobic. It is not just fear of committing to marriage and children. Young people do not have the defined benefit pensions that their grandparents received from a life-long career with one company. With 401Ks, it is easier than ever to switch jobs and careers. Didn’t we encourage our kids to try every sport and activity imaginable? Did we make them stick to any one activity? No. We wanted them to be well rounded and open to possibilities.
Blame it on the Baby Boomers.
We want the best for our children—from Cabbage Patch dolls to Disney World—whatever their hearts desired. Our very practical parents insisted that we attend colleges that they could afford. We encouraged our children to strive for the best college attainable. Consequently, 64% of Millennials paid for college with student loans while only 29% of Baby Boomers did. Along with college debt, come increasing aspirations. Eighty-one percent want to be part of the one percent of wealthiest Americans according to a survey of college freshmen. Striving to be the best and earn the most leaves many of our young people in singledom.
Blame it on us.
As parents of the younger generation, what could we have done differently? Probably nothing. Growing up in post World War II prosperity, our childhood reflected the American Dream. We wanted to pave the way for our children too by giving them every opportunity we could.
Let’s face it; whether they are married or single, we just want our kids to be happy.
2 comments:
I wonder how many Boomers got married because they felt that's what you were supposed to do, the next logical step, and how many people ended up in unhappy marriages as a result. With Gen Xers not feeling the societal pressure to get married after college, they might have opted to not tie the knot with that person they dated in college. As someone who is just now getting married at the advanced (though no longer unusual) age of 38, I am very happy that I waited this long. Had I married the person I dated right out of college, I would certainly be divorced by now. By this age I have a lot more confidence in who I am and who I want to have as a life partner, and most of those "what if" questions have been answered. My friends are split about in thirds: never married vs married young vs married later in life. I've seen examples of successes and heartbreak in all three groups, so I guess there are good and bad angles to each option.
Ever since I started teaching the cauasal analysis many years ago, I have been drawn to statistics about societal trends. We can only speculate on the causes, and there is no one answer. Your thoughtful response is exactly the kind of comment I hoped I would get. Of course my generation felt a lot of pressure to marry young. Many of these marriages were doomed to failure because there was still so much growing up to do. That is probably why we don't pressure our children to marry young. I realize now that when I wrote "blame it on the baby boomers" it gave a more negative slant than I had intended.
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