The Squirrel Wars

Like many of you, we have bird feeders and bird baths in our backyard. We also have two apple trees, a peach tree, blueberry bushes and a rather large vegetable garden. The problem is that we don’t get to choose which critters eat the food and bathe in the water. So, although we are trying to attract birds, we also attract chipmunks, squirrels, voles, groundhogs, rabbits, and deer. Most of the time, we just try to plant and grow enough for both the varmints and ourselves, but this year in particular, the squirrels have caused some aggravation for me.

Since we are not in Pennsylvania for the winter, I feed the birds during the spring, summer, and fall. We must be getting old because my husband and I enjoy sitting on our screened porch in the evening, watching the birds and the fireflies. This summer I noticed that not long after I filled the tubular song bird feeder, it was empty again. Occasionally I would look out my kitchen window and see a well-fed squirrel hanging by his feet and emptying out the birdseed into his over-stuffed cheeks. I would run out back as fast as I could, wave my arms, and yell at him. He waited until I got quite close before he ran away. Then he paused beneath a tree and flexed his muscles as if to taunt me. At that point, I would pick up green apples from the ground and throw them at “Hercules” as hard as I could. He would look at me as if to say, “Apples! All right! Bring it on.” Then, with a flick of his bushy tail, he would pick up an apple in his mouth and run up the tree.

Well, after this happened about a dozen times (squirrel 12, me 0). I decided to coat the wrought iron shepherd’s hook that holds the bird feeder with Crisco. That worked for a while, but it wore off, and I got tired of re-coating the pole. The only thing left for me to do was to get a shot gun and sit on the porch in a rocking chair like Granny Clampett, waiting all day for my chance to blow the squirrels away. But I had other things to do.

Eventually, I asked Neil to get me a squirrel-proof bird feeder. But first, thinking he could out smart a squirrel, he devised a baffle out of a piece of clear plastic and put it half way up the pole. But the squirrel saw through that. He simply reached out, pulled the plastic down, and climbed over it. We lost another skirmish.

Finally, Neil went online and Googled “squirrel-proof bird feeders.” From reading the reviews, he found out that nothing worked EXCEPT the Ultimate 18-inch Wrap Around Squirrel Baffle from Audubon.org. Billed as a “raccoon resistant baffle” that “defies squirrels every time,” in fact, our “Satisfaction [was] guaranteed.”

Neil attached the baffle to the shepherd’s hook pole just a bit below the bird feeder. After that, all we had to do was watch and wait. Eventually I saw a squirrel climb the pole and reach for the edge of the baffle. Much to my surprise, he couldn’t figure out how to get around it. He was truly baffled! It’s been about a week now, and so far, so good. But I’m a little nervous because every once in a while, when I look out my kitchen window, I see a squirrel hanging onto the porch rain gutter staring back at me.